


WikiHow to cope with depression

by SurpassTheStars



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, It was a bad day, Just a Shit Ton of projection, Just angst, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Anxiety, No Dialogue, Self-Hatred, Suprise!, he doesn’t deserve this, im sorry felix, someone take Felix away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 10:08:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20095546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SurpassTheStars/pseuds/SurpassTheStars
Summary: He suffers from depression, sure he knew that. He also suffers from anxiety, it’s with him daily it’s hard to miss. He makes jokes about it, but he’s a Gen Z it’s inevitable. But he doesn’t know how to fix it.





	WikiHow to cope with depression

**Author's Note:**

> IM SORRY?? Felix doesn’t deserve this I know,,,, but yay another projection fic because I can't seem to write rn :D
> 
> Follow me on twitter [@3rachaeffects](https://twitter.com/3rachaeffects) I need friends

This was pointless, this was so pointless.

Felix has been scrolling through google for the past hour, according to his laptop’s clock. He started at just a bit past 1 am and it’s almost half past 2.

This wasn’t the first time he did this, staying up late until god knows when trying to figure out how to fix what’s wrong with him and his brain.

WikiHow doesn’t really help, he doesn’t have the motivation to let it help.

He suffers from depression, sure he knew that. He also suffers from anxiety, it’s with him daily it’s hard to miss. He makes jokes about it, but he’s a Gen Z it’s inevitable. But he doesn’t know how to fix it.

Another website, they give the same points and tips. He doesn’t have the motivation to get out of bed, how do you expect him to go out?

He clicks out of it, and opens YouTube. It doesn’t matter, he can’t fix himself.

—————

September 13, a few days after the last time he checked self-help websites. 

His birthday is nearing, he isn’t that excited about it. It’s pointless, just a reminder of how long you’ve been wasting oxygen.

Another website, this time it has different points, though it’s clear who wrote this doesn’t know what they’re doing. He clicks out again, closing the laptop.

He hardly notices the time tick by, curled up in his chair surrounded by self hatred. It’s easy to lose yourself to the demons.

—————

September 15, his friends came over. It was a complete surprise.

He hadn’t expected to do anything on his birthday, he told his parents he didn’t want to do anything, he didn’t feel like it.

But his friends still showed up, forced him out of the loop he fell into. He had fun for once, actually smiled and for the first time in awhile, it did reach his eyes.

The demons stayed behind the shadows, didn’t ruin his day, although they came back when his friends left. When they leave they take the sun with them, and the demons love the shadows.

_ You’re a dead weight on them. _He knew that, they’re so happy and bright, he couldn’t ruin that for them.

_ It’s pity, they don’t like you. _It probably was, no one in their right mind would stay with him.

_ They’ll get tired eventually _. He hoped they would, they could do so much better than him.

He sighed when he reached his bed, he felt exhausted and wanted nothing more than to cry under his sheets. Maybe it’ll get better, maybe he’ll wake up one day and it’ll fix itself.

—————

No one knew about his depression, or anxiety for that matter. He refused to tell anyone, he hated being vulnerable and he didn’t need to worry them.

He tried every tip he got to getting better. Keep a journal, that lasted a grand total of 3 days. Go outside more often, it’s always too loud and too humid. Exercise, it took far more energy than he had.

Go to therapy, talk to someone, meditate. He couldn’t do any of these. They were pointless, he felt like he was floating in a never ending void.

—————

At the very least, he forced himself to eat and sleep. He had made a promise to himself, and he couldn’t dare to break it.

Maybe he can’t get better, but he wasn’t going to plummet even further. It was hard, maybe he should tell his friends.

_ You’ll burden them, they all work hard and have enough problems. _

Ignore the demons, they’re just your brain. They aren’t correct, they don’t dictate your life. Yet it was so hard, he knew they were nothing but his brain speaking but the voices ring and ring until he hears nothing but then chiming in.

Maybe he should try to keep a journal again, third time’s the charm?

—————

He’s blowing everyone off again, he doesn’t have the motivation to go to the amusement park, or the cafe, or library.

Coming up with excuses should be his superpower. My grandma came over and I need to stay, sorry. Oh, my parents are out and I’m house sitting, sorry. My mom grounded me I can’t leave the house, sorry.

He knows that they know he’s blowing them over, it doesn’t make him feel less like shit. He hardly responds to texts anymore, instead spending his time spacing out and wishing he wasn’t like how he was.

He needed to fix himself, he just didn’t know how.

—————

He decided to go out, away from large gatherings of people, for his sake. He looked like crap, and the last thing he needed was for someone he knew to see him.

So he went to the back of the park, no one comes here, no screaming children, no grossly in love couples, not a single soul.

He sat at the edge of one of the trees on a hill, watching stray cats and dogs wander around, he felt calm for a while.

As if this depressive episode was finally passing through and he could breathe normally now. He sat there until the sun started to set, only then did he remember he hadn’t told anyone he was leaving.

He was happy and calm, until it got overtaken my anxiety. He couldn’t stop shaking anymore.

—————

He got home to the lights turned off, no one was there and he couldn’t figure out if he was happy or not. He sat on the couch and opened his phone, no notifications except one from his mom.

** _Mama_ **

_ Sweetie, your dad and I took your sister to the mall, she needed some things and were going to pick them up. _

_ We won’t be home until late at night so don’t stay up! _

_ Love you _

Ah, that would explain it. He pushed down the jealousy he felt, letting the guilt of feeling jealous eat at him. His sister was working hard she deserves it.

He stayed where he was on the couch, staring at the TV that wasn’t even on. He let his brain overtake his sense of reality, until he got a notification, one of his reminders to get food.

He reluctantly stood up and went into the kitchen to make food, he felt alone but he can get through it.

He always did, even if it was for a while.


End file.
